A big night out and lots of partying will make you wonder.

The past few weeks have been, to say the least, very interesting. One might even say that they were somewhat lifealtering in a strange way. I'd like to state that as a fact, but it's pretty much way too early to say so. I've met some new people, say new things I had never been exposed to before. I caught glimpses of peoples' lifes as well as other worlds I had only heard of. And the strangest thing happened; I had a sudden urge to want to be part of those things. Not necesarly live in them constantly, and invade those peoples lives. Not at all. But just to be in some what part of it. I have the feelign like I am missing out on things I had simply no idea existed. But the issue is that, deep down, I know that these are things that I shouldn't be part of. They aren't my worlds, my haunts. It is like suddently being interested in a religion, but already being part of something totaly different. Because of the way I am, because of who I am, I simply do not see how I could fit in at all.

And then I look at the people I've known all my life. People I care about. And I notice something; they have either yet to grow up, will never grow up, are simply not people that bring me anything.

I feel like I've missed out on a big part of my life. I feel like I've just hit a wall.