d0d93r

The past few weeks have been, to say the least, very interesting. One might even say that they were somewhat lifealtering in a strange way. I'd like to state that as a fact, but it's pretty much way too early to say so. I've met some new people, say new things I had never been exposed to before. I caught glimpses of peoples' lifes as well as other worlds I had only heard of. And the strangest thing happened; I had a sudden urge to want to be part of those things. Not necesarly live in them constantly, and invade those peoples lives. Not at all. But just to be in some what part of it. I have the feelign like I am missing out on things I had si

So, tonight, I think one could qualify the night as "special". Tonight is my very last night as someone's dependent. Well, I'm not sure dependent is quite the word I should be using. It's just that after tonight, I'm trully going to be on my own. No more safe attach anywhere. No more safe haven. No more certainties. After tonight, I really can't afford to fuck up. Strangely, I was somewhat expecting myself to be nervous. That moving on with my life like this would put me slightly uneasy. But again, I guess I've just proven to myself that I don't know myself that well after all. I'm not nervous at all. I'm actually stupidly optimistic. I feel

I've always spent a good deal of my days wondering why things go the way they do. Worrying if the choices I made are the good ones.  Thinking back and seeing the whole picture as being random some day, and terribly well prewritten some others. I think back and see that minute events that took place are the original causes for things much bigger. I've always been worried that of all the paths I had to choose, I had taken the wrong one. I've always been worried that the ventures I decided to take up were foolish and were condemning me to my own demise. I would lie awake at night, silently cursing myself for not having taken left instead of ri